Chicago Does Not Have Weather

We can predict the weather. What Chicago has is a temporal succession of unrelated phenomena. Chicago weather is pretty much as Hume's skepticism imagined the world. Weather can be talked about. The only possible remark on the environment in Chicago is:

"Can you believe this?"

To which the only rational response is:

"No, I cannot."

Likewise, Chicago weather cannot be said to be threatening, as it is not coherent enough to propose anything. Bullies threaten. Chicago weather simply crashes stark naked through your plate glass window and beats you senseless with a pogo stick singing "Helter Skelter": then it tries to give you a pretty bunny.

Of course one could invent for oneself a manner of speaking and say that Chicago has weather, or even seasons: but this would be much in the same sense one could say that a sandstorm has a constitution.